Nothing like writing about a taboo, controversial kink….
What is it exactly?
Rape Play, otherwise known as Consensual Non-Consensual (CnC).
CnC can consist of many aspects, including but not limited to: Free Use, Blanket Consent, TPE (Total Power Exchange), CNC scenes, Takedown scenes, Edge play, Mindfucks, 24/7 Relationships, Master/Slave, Owner/Property, Pet/Owner.
While this list is not all inclusive, it should give you a general understanding of what it may involve.
Sure, not for everyone, but if it sounds interesting to you read on.
Raping and being raped is an incredibly popular fantasy (and fantasy is totally where it should stay).
Popular with men and women alike. Often women in particular as themselves and others “what is wrong with me?”
“Am I normal”. And say things like “I must be f&^%ed in the head.”
Um, no. It is just a fantasy.
Why is this fantasy so common?
This is not an exhaustive list by any means, but here are some of the reasons I believe that it is so fascinating/appealing/popular widespread.
There’s a great deal of paradox involved in this form of play, and many emotional themes behind it.
Here’s a list of some themes I’ve noted in articles and books:
Primal passion – Ravishment fantasies appeal to primal emotions of lust, aggression and fear, which are often intertwined with one another.
Physical intensity – Many ravishment fantasies and scenes involve highly physical restraint and resistance. Sex is, after all, a physical act, and intense physicality often expresses and feeds into emotional intensity.
Paradox and contrast – There is an innate paradox to fantasizing about being “forced” to do something you want done, not to mention the contrast of desire and pleasure with fear and aggression.
Sweet surrender – For some, it is not resistance or struggle that is the turn-on so much as submission. Being helpless and overpowered allows a “letting go” of anxiety, guilt and inhibition, and an opening to sensation, pleasure and trust.
Simply irresistible – There is also the desire is to be desired oneself, of the ravishee seeming to overpower in terms of her or his allure, and the ravisher the one who “surrenders” to overwhelming passion.
Catharsis and closure – Some survivors of sexual assault may find a sense of resolution or healing with a ravishment scene. Such cathartic release is not limited to survivors, however. A person who feels guilty about sexual pleasure, or is troubled by what they consider a “dark and dangerous” fantasy, may also experience this sense of release once their fantasy is made flesh.
A fantasy can also appeal to two or more themes, and you can also have different fantasies which appeal to different themes. Complex or what!?
Boundary establishments and “ruining” the concept
Even from the female, subservient side of things sometimes I am left feeling like it all seems super transactional, which ruins the excitement for me. It seems like the standard approach, especially before exploring CNC, includes tons of negotiation and establishing boundaries, which I absolutely recognize as important.
It is a necessity.
But one thing I really dislike is “scripted” appointments or plays of any kind. Organic is always far better.
While I understand the importance of establishing each other’s expectations and limits, I think discussing it all toooo much takes away from the natural and primal fun of it all.
I do not and wouldn’t want to enter into a CNC ‘scene’ with someone and truly fear what may happen, but isn’t that also sort of the underlying draw to CNC?
The lack of control, a level of unknown, etc. This is indeed the conundrum isn’t it?
Paid situations versus established relationships
I do think especially in a companion, paid for transaction, that hard boundaries should 1000% be discussed before ever exploring.
However I feel general discussions while establishing a relationship sometimes is sufficient.
If there is a reasonable level of “this gentleman has the right vibe” (I am not suggesting you “trust” him, not at all).
I just don’t feel there needs to be these relentless discussions surrounding CNC.
Vigilant Verification, Screening, Safety Precautions in the Environment and Someone Else Knowing Your Movements
I will just be clear here. I am talking about a situation whereby the screening and certification is water tight.
Passport or licence, Linked in Profile, and/or various other identifiers to ensure your complete safety.
I shall actually refrain from writing various other means that you could use to ensure your safety.
This is a tricky and potentially dangerous debate and I am well aware of this.
Waivers
Sometimes, ignorant clients ask if “I can waive my rights?” Seriously????
“Waive” them goodbye.
There is no such thing. You can’t waive someone’s rights. All the waiver would do is incriminate you.
Such a waiver would be a “Go to Jail! Do Not Pass Go! Kiss your life goodbye card.”
Legally you cannot consent to illegal acts.
You can confirm advance knowledge of planned or possible activities.
That is not a waiver, but according to my lawyer, it would be admissible as evidence in court.
But only admissible as advance knowledge, not permission.
If you are looking for legal loopholes for CNC play, especially involving rape, don’t bother.
People have been trying for years and nothing has held up or had practicing lawyers think it would work.
Why can’t waivers ever work?
The problem with such waivers is that if they did exist, they could be forced on someone to ‘legalize’ an actual rape.
And with no way to prove that a signature was placed without coercion or threat, it’s just a no go area.
As have been stated before, such documentation at this point in the legal system, not just here in Australia but anywhere in the world, would only amount to evidence of pre-meditation.
I will leave it at that for Part 1.
I will write some thoughts about how I on the rare occasion that I indulge, filter out clients.
This is easily on the basis of their communication.
And also, not necessarily what they are seeking but on the questions that they ask or don’t actually ask.
