The beauty of relationships lies in their kaleidoscopic diversity. Just as no two individuals are identical, no two relationships are the same. Increasingly, couples are exploring new dynamics beyond traditional monogamy, one of which is being ‘monogamish’. Let’s explore this intriguing concept together.
What is a Monogamish Lifestyle?
‘Monogamish’ – a term coined by American author and sex-advice columnist, Dan Savage – is a relationship paradigm where a couple is primarily monogamous, but allows for some degree of sexual activity outside their relationship, usually with consent and defined boundaries. It’s about redefining exclusivity, moving away from the ‘one-size-fits-all’ model of traditional monogamy.
The Benefits of Being Monogamish
Perhaps you’ve been in a long-term relationship and find the idea of a monogamish lifestyle intriguing. You wouldn’t be alone. Many couples have discovered several benefits from adopting this lifestyle.
1. Enhanced Communication: By nature, being monogamish requires open, honest, and regular communication. Couples need to discuss their feelings, set boundaries, and navigate any potential jealousy. This can enhance the overall communication within the relationship.
2. Increased Trust: Establishing a monogamish lifestyle often requires trust. After all, you’re allowing your partner to engage in activities with others, trusting they will respect the boundaries you’ve set.
3. Potential for Sexual Exploration: Being monogamish allows for a level of sexual exploration that can be more limited in traditional monogamous relationships. This can lead to personal growth, deeper self-understanding, and a more varied sexual experience.
Challenges of a Monogamish Lifestyle
As with any relationship style, being monogamish comes with its share of challenges.
1. Navigating Jealousy: No matter how secure you may feel, jealousy can sneak in. Handling such emotions responsibly and effectively is crucial.
2. Balancing Time and Emotional Resources: Maintaining primary relationships while allowing for external connections can require careful time management and emotional resource allocation.
3. Potential for Misunderstanding or Miscommunication: The line between being monogamish and infidelity can blur if not clearly defined and mutually agreed upon.
Common Misconceptions about Being Monogamish
Misconceptions abound when it comes to the monogamish lifestyle. Let’s dispel a few:
1. “Monogamish equals no commitment”: Quite the contrary, the level of commitment in a monogamish relationship can be as strong, if not stronger than, a traditional monogamous relationship.
2. “Monogamish is just an excuse to cheat”: This misconception stems from a misunderstanding of the monogamish lifestyle. It’s about agreed-upon external connections, not deception or betrayal.
Tips for Successfully Navigating a Monogamish Lifestyle
Thinking about embracing the monogamish lifestyle? Here are a few tips:
1. Communicate Openly: You and your partner need to have a frank, open discussion about why you want to try this lifestyle and what it means for you both.
2. Set Boundaries: Every couple is unique, so define what being monogamish means for you. Consider what activities you are comfortable with and set boundaries accordingly.
3. Prioritise Your Primary Relationship: Being monogamish doesn’t mean neglecting your primary relationship. Make sure to invest time, energy, and love in maintaining and growing that bond.
4. Seek Guidance: If you’re unsure about navigating this lifestyle, don’t hesitate to seek professional guidance. Counsellors or therapists experienced in non-monogamous relationship dynamics can be valuable resources.
Ethical Considerations
As with any lifestyle choice, ethical considerations are crucial. Consensual non-monogamy should be precisely that – consensual. Both parties need to agree on the terms and be comfortable with them. Any violations of set boundaries can damage trust and have serious implications for the relationship. Therefore, effective communication and mutual respect form the cornerstone of a healthy monogamish lifestyle.
In a study published in the ‘Journal of Social and Personal Relationships’, couples in monogamish relationships reported high levels of trust, communication, and satisfaction. Yet, the researchers stressed that these benefits are closely linked to clear communication and mutual agreement – further emphasising the need for ethical consideration.
For those seeking to delve deeper into the monogamish lifestyle, there are abundant resources available. A good place to start is the book ‘Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships’ by Tristan Taormino, which provides practical advice and insights into non-monogamous relationship styles.
Additionally, ‘The Ethical Slut’ by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy is considered a classic in the non-monogamy space. Online platforms such as More Than Two offer an extensive range of resources, including personal anecdotes, expert advice, and discussion forums for those navigating non-monogamous lifestyles. Finally, remember that professional guidance from therapists or counsellors experienced in non-monogamy can be invaluable for individuals or couples considering or navigating a monogamish lifestyle.
The monogamish lifestyle, like any other relationship dynamic, has its highs and lows, triumphs and challenges. It requires honest communication, trust, clear boundaries, and ethical consideration. For those who can navigate these waters, it offers an opportunity to redefine what commitment and satisfaction look like in their relationships.
Remember, the goal of any relationship is happiness, growth, and mutual respect. Whether that’s through traditional monogamy or a more flexible, monogamish lifestyle, the choice is ultimately yours. Just ensure it’s a choice made with consideration, compassion, and consent.
