Embrace the Kink: A Newbie’s Guide to Titles and Pet Names

Sashay into a world laden with endless potential for discovery and delight. We will discuss the meaning behind titles and pet names in the BDSM community, highlighting the psychological and social elements, whilst stressing the importance of consent and communication. Join me on this journey and learn how these titles can enhance your experience within the BDSM lifestyle.

The Importance of Titles and Pet Names

In the heart of BDSM practices, titles and pet names hold deep significance. They’re not merely endearing words whispered in the shadows, but rather play an instrumental role in setting the scene, establishing roles, and promoting a deeper bond between partners. Every word encapsulates the power dynamics, helping to create a safe and consensual environment for exploration.

Psychologically, these names offer a way for individuals to detach from their everyday identities, embrace their roles within the scene, and focus on the sensory experiences at hand. Socially, they reinforce hierarchy, provide a sense of belonging, and signify respect amongst members of the community.

Dominant Titles

  1. Master/Mistress: These are commonly used for dominants in a Master/slave dynamic. They signify a high level of control and responsibility in the relationship.
  2. Sir/Madam: These are used as a sign of respect to the dominant. They’re often used in Dominant/submissive relationships and in casual play scenes.
  3. Lord/Lady: These are less common but are still used by some dominants who prefer a more formal or old-fashioned title.
  4. Owner: This title is typically used in a Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationship where the submissive has given full control to their dominant.
  5. Handler: This title is often used in pet play dynamics, where the submissive takes on the role of a pet.

Title Focus: ‘Daddy’

The term ‘Daddy’ is an excellent example of a title used within the community. Despite what outsiders may believe, the usage of ‘Daddy’ often symbolises trust, protection, and guidance, rather than referring to any familial relationship. It’s about nurturing care and guidance within a power dynamic, and certainly not promoting incestuous behaviour. Understanding this distinction is crucial for those new to the BDSM community.

Submissive Titles

  1. Slave: This is used in Master/slave dynamics, signifying a high level of surrender and obedience.
  2. Sub: Short for submissive, this term is commonly used in a variety of BDSM dynamics.
  3. Pet: This title is often used in pet play, a form of role-play where the submissive assumes the role of a pet.
  4. Little: This term is used in age play or Caregiver/little dynamics, where the submissive assumes a younger or more childlike role.
  5. Boy/Girl: These terms are often used by dominants to refer to their submissive, regardless of the submissive’s actual age or gender.

Remember, the usage of these titles depends entirely on the consent and comfort level of all parties involved. As always, communication is the key to a safe and satisfying BDSM experience.

Communication and Consent: The Heartbeat of BDSM

In BDSM, communication and consent are akin to the air we breathe: entirely essential, without which, the dynamic simply cannot exist. They are the heartbeat of any BDSM relationship, pulsing through every interaction, every scene, every whispered word.

Clear Communication

Clear communication allows all parties to express their desires, set boundaries, and discuss potential concerns. This dialogue ensures a mutually satisfying experience, promoting trust and intimacy. For example, if a submissive prefers to be called ‘pet’, this should be explicitly communicated and agreed upon. Titles and pet names should be negotiated in a way that considers everyone’s comfort and preferences.

Importance of Consent

Consent is a dynamic, ongoing process that is essential at every stage. It’s not enough to get a ‘yes’ once; rather, continuous check-ins are important, and consent can be withdrawn at any point if someone becomes uncomfortable. All activities, including the use of titles and pet names, must be enthusiastically agreed upon.


A critical aspect of consent and communication in the BDSM community is the use of safewords. These are predetermined words or phrases that a submissive can use to slow down or completely stop a scene. They are an essential safety measure that allows individuals to maintain control over their experiences.


Communication doesn’t cease after a scene ends. Aftercare is an important part of the process, involving checking in with each other, discussing the scene, and providing comfort. This can help ensure that both parties feel good about what occurred and can discuss anything that might need to be adjusted in the future.

Take, for instance, the experience of a couple I met at a BDSM event. They were in a ‘Daddy Dom/Little Girl’ dynamic. The term ‘Daddy’ was solely used during scenes, reinforcing their agreed power dynamic. It helped them differentiate between their everyday relationship and their BDSM roles, providing a safe psychological space for their explorations.

In another instance, a friend of mine from the community prefers the title ‘Mistress.’ She has shared that it helps her step into her dominant role, and carries a level of respect and authority that she enjoys. Her submissive partners only use this title with her express permission and within agreed boundaries.

Additional Resources

To delve deeper, visit resources like BDSM Wiki and The Submissive Guide. These platforms offer a wealth of information, including various titles and pet names used within the BDSM community.


In the multifaceted world of BDSM, titles and pet names serve as more than just fancy labels; they form an integral part of communication, establishing roles, and setting boundaries. It’s crucial to remember that consent and dialogue are the foundations of any title or pet name usage. With understanding and respect, these titles can become a profound part of your BDSM journey.

Embrace the kink, accept the thrill, but don’t forget the sanctity of respect.