Sex. It’s supposed to be as natural as breathing, yet somehow it comes with the pressure of pulling off a flawless Cirque du Soleil act. Fun, right?
When I started (ahem) rediscovering myself, I had no idea what I was doing. Seriously, not a clue! I had just crawled out of a 10-year relationship with an accountant — and I mean the full Hollywood stereotype: black-and-white movie nights, grocery budgets, missionary sex at 4 a.m. (End me.)
Fast forward to freshly single me, with no real-world experience, and… well, things got interesting.
Case in point: I hadn’t given a blow job in over two years, and suddenly, I found myself sandwiched between a couple during my first threesome. MY FIRST WEEK and here I am pretending to be a professional, when in reality I was practically holding a neon sign that read “Baby Jesus, Take the Wheel!”
The fear of failure? Palpable. The reality? Hilariously transformative.
Somehow, what began as the world’s most nerve-wracking leap into the unknown turned into one of the best weekends of my life. Yes, weekend — a full 48 hours of magical, erotic-filled (blow-job-gold-star-earning) fun that taught me something profound: intimacy isn’t about seeking perfection.
Why Are We All Stressed About Sex?
That fear of failure isn’t unique to me. It’s something so many of us carry, thanks to how we talk about sex. Everything is framed like a performance or a task we’re expected to ace:
- “Sexual performance.”
- “Performance anxiety.”
- “Nailing it” (yes, pun intended).
- Even “finishing” sounds like crossing a marathon finish line.
Is it any wonder we’re stressed? Sex starts to feel like an Olympic event where you’re judged on creativity, rhythm, and — of course — sticking the landing.
And when you add something unfamiliar to the mix, like acting out a ‘Russian-scripted’ roleplay, the stakes feel impossibly high. You start to wonder: “Can I call a friend?”
A New Way to Think About Intimacy: Playdate, Not Performance
When I started to let go of the pressure and embrace intimacy as a playdate instead of a performance, everything changed.
Here’s the secret: intimacy isn’t a test, a production, or a competition. There’s no “wrong way” to play or “right way” to explore. It’s not a Broadway show, and no one’s handing out awards for Best Supporting Partner — though, if you’re feeling generous, I wouldn’t mind a nomination for the Australian Adult Awards 2025. Stiff competition, of course, but hey, I’m game.
How to Embrace the Playdate Mindset
If you’re someone who feels anxious about connecting (whether it’s with a partner or even booking time with someone like me), here are some thoughts to help reframe things:
Let Go of the Script
Repetition can feel safe, but it also traps us in routines. Be open to exploring new ideas or letting the moment guide you. Don’t worry about “doing it right” — there’s no instruction manual for what’s authentic.
Prioritise Connection Over Perfection
The sexiest moments often come when you’re truly present with someone. Focus on what you’re enjoying, and don’t overthink how you’re being perceived.
Laugh Through the Awkwardness
No one escapes intimacy without a blooper reel. Embrace the humour and move on — shared laughter is its own kind of intimacy.
Stay in the Moment
Anxiety loves to pull you out of the now. Instead of overanalysing, focus on the sensations and emotions in front of you. Be present and enjoy the moment — think meditation, but a hell of a lot less boring! If you walk away feeling more connected, more curious, or even just more confident, that’s a level achieved in your journey to sexual enlightenment.
IMPERFECTION IS SEXY
Here’s what no one tells you: the unscripted moments are the most unforgettable — the kind that make you smirk in the shower or bite your lip in the middle of a meeting. When we’re together, it’s an adventure. Whether you’re testing the waters or diving in headfirst (“YES PLEASE, Mr. Scuba Diver Man”), this is your space to let go, relax, and fully embrace the moment.
My goal? To leave you glowing, grinning, and replaying those memories that make your heart (and let’s be honest, other parts) race.
Because, really, aren’t the best moments the ones that leave you breathless and coming back for more?
