When I first began working as an intimacy provider, I thought I understood people fairly well. I’d done years of personal development work, immersed myself in understanding and embodying various therapeutic modalities and considered myself pretty insightful about human behaviour.
Looking back, I was adorably naive about just how much this work would teach me.
Escorting has become one of the most profound educations in human nature I could have received. The patterns I’ve witnessed, the vulnerabilities I’ve been trusted with and the transformations I’ve had the privilege of seeing have fundamentally changed how I understand the vast spectrum of humanity.
Nearly everyone is carrying something heavy
The first and perhaps most striking pattern I’ve noticed is that every single person is carrying something. Grief, shame, loneliness, fear, past trauma or simply the exhausting weight of performing their life rather than living it authentically.
I’ve worked with highly successful people who seem to have everything figured out, yet they’re struggling with profound loneliness or disconnection from themselves. I’ve held space for people navigating divorce, loss or health challenges who just need someone to witness their pain without trying to fix it.
Suffering is universal. What varies is how people respond to it and whether they’re able to acknowledge it. This work has taught me to approach every person with real compassion and kindness, because everyone is going through something.
Shame around sexuality runs deep
Regardless of background, orientation or experience, almost everyone carries shame about their sexuality. People feel guilty for having desires at all. They believe their specific fantasies are wrong or that their bodies are inadequate.
It’s deeply unfortunate to see how much energy people waste fighting against their own perfectly normal sexuality. How many years they spend convinced there’s something fundamentally wrong with them.
The bright side is witnessing how quickly shame begins to dissipate when it’s met with genuine acceptance, excitement and compassion. When someone realises they can share their actual desires with me without being rejected or judged, something shifts profoundly.
The shame isn’t inherent to sexuality. It’s learned, which means it can be unlearned. Facilitating that process has become some of the most meaningful work I do.
People often struggle to know what they want
Someone might book a full service encounter because they think they need sex, but what they mostly really need is to be held and told they matter. Another person might request education when what they’re actually seeking is permission to explore a part of themselves.
I’ve learnt to listen not just to what people are explicitly asking for, but to the energy and subtleties of what’s underneath that request. The stated desire is often just the entry point. The deeper need usually reveals itself once trust is established.
This has taught me that humans are not always fully conscious of our own needs, and that’s completely okay.
Touch is not a luxury
Most human beings need physical touch. Not want, need. It’s fundamental to our wellbeing and nervous system regulation.
I have experienced seeing the deep movement in a person through the simple act of being held with genuine care. The shift that happens when someone receives safe, consensual touch after years of deprivation is immediate and profound. Shoulders drop, breathing deepens, faces soften and their body releases.
Many people come to me touch-starved after years of living without adequate physical affection. Divorce, grief, social anxiety, disability or simply living alone in a culture that’s terrified of touch. The reasons vary, but the impact is consistent.
Seeking professional touch services is legitimate healthcare and self-care, not something to be ashamed of.
Kindness matters more than skill
I came into this work with great knowledge about bodies, pleasure techniques and intimacy practices. What I’ve learnt is that technical skill matters far less than the quality of presence and kindness I bring to every encounter.
People usually remember feeling genuinely cared for, seen without judgment and treated with respect far more than they remember any specific technique I used.
Simple acts of warmth when someone is nervous, genuine enthusiasm for their desires and patience when they need time to feel safe have more impact than any advanced technique I have in the toolbelt.
This has taught me that in all areas of life, the quality of my presence matters most. People don’t need me to be perfect. They need me to be genuinely kind, patient and present as a base and the rest can flourish.
People want permission
When clients come for sessions, they often come with a subconscious hope for permission.
Permission to be real. Permission to take up space. Permission to experience pleasure. Permission to have boundaries. Permission to explore their desires without shame. Permission to be sexual beings.
So much of our conditioning teaches us to shrink, to put others first and to feel guilty for wanting things. What people often need most is someone giving them explicit permission to let go of all that and honour what they actually want.
This has made me more aware of how often I seek permission outside myself when what I really need is to give myself permission. To be myself fully without feeling shame for not fitting neatly in the societal expectation box.
Everyone is doing their best
Perhaps the most important lesson this work has taught me is that most people are genuinely doing the best they can with the resources, knowledge and circumstances they have.
People aren’t damaged because they struggle with intimacy or connection. They’re simply navigating complex conditioning, past experiences and a culture that provides shockingly inadequate education and support around fundamental human needs.
This perspective has cultivated deep compassion in me, not just for clients but for all people, including myself. We’re all carrying invisible struggles, doing our best to navigate a world that often makes authentic connection unnecessarily difficult.
What this means for me
Escorting has fundamentally changed how I move through the world. I’m more patient with people’s struggles, more accepting of human imperfection and more aware of the courage it takes to be vulnerable.
This work has made me a better partner, a more compassionate friend and more forgiving of my own limitations. It’s taught me that shame dissolves in acceptance, that everyone is carrying something heavy and that small acts of genuine kindness can be transformative.
Every person who trusts me with their vulnerability is a teacher showing me something essential about human nature: our profound need for connection, our capacity for courage and our beautiful complexity that defies categorisation.
The privilege of witnessing people in their most vulnerable moments has been the greatest gift of this work. It’s shown me that beneath all our differences, we’re remarkably similar in our needs, our wounds and our capacity for healing when we’re met with acceptance and care.
This is work that has cracked me open in the best possible way, teaching me things about human nature I could never have learnt any other way. And for that, amongst many other things, I’m genuinely grateful.
Evie Elysian · Melbourne Independent Escort
