Intimacy is a mysterious, delicate, yet alluring dance that has always fascinated me. My first partner introduced me to the art with a grace and patience that I still admire. Since those tender beginnings, I’ve honed my skills, soaked up knowledge from various sources, and grown immeasurably as a lover. My experiences – both exhilarating and educational – led me to the decision of sharing the lessons I’ve learnt. Today, let’s unravel the secrets of an oft-practised, yet seldom perfected art: delivering exceptional BJs.
A Preamble: Consent and Communication
Before we dive into the juicy techniques and tantalising tips, it’s essential to firmly root our discussion in the soil of consent and communication. The fruit of any intimate act can only be thoroughly enjoyed when these two are in place.
The Sacrosanct Act of Consent
Consent is the sturdy foundation upon which every intimate act must be built. It’s a cardinal rule of any sensual escapade, whether it’s a passionate kiss stolen in a dimly-lit corner or a carnal dance in the privacy of the bedroom. Consent isn’t just a yes before the act, it’s an ongoing conversation, ensuring comfort and willingness at every step1.
A personal anecdote that springs to mind is the ‘safe word’ system Alice and I had. We had a word that when uttered, would bring everything to a standstill. This simple yet effective strategy allowed us to explore our desires fearlessly and respectfully. And so, consent isn’t a mood-killer; it’s a mood-enhancer.
The Dance of Communication
Hand in hand with consent, communication enriches any intimate encounter. My lover Jake, a fiercely passionate soul, opened my eyes to the importance of having an open and frank dialogue about our likes, dislikes, fantasies, and boundaries. Such conversations don’t douse the flames of passion; rather, they stoke them, fostering trust and creating a roadmap to mutual pleasure.
The Art of the BJ: Tips and Techniques
Armed with the essential understanding of consent and communication, let’s delve into the world of techniques and tips that can help you become a maestro of BJs.
Setting the Stage: The Art of Anticipation
Like a play captivating its audience from the moment the curtains rise, a good BJ isn’t just about the climax. The build-up, the anticipation, is equally, if not more, important. Creating an ambiance, maybe with candles, soft music, or even a sensual massage, can help create an atmosphere of intimacy and anticipation2.
Slow and Steady: The Tortoise’s Advice
Here’s a lesson I learnt from Jake – everyone’s rhythm is unique. The adage, “Slow and steady wins the race”, holds true in the world of BJs. Savour each moment, each response, each soft gasp of pleasure. Let the act be a sensual symphony rather than a hurried rock song.
Lips and Tongue: Tools of Pleasure
The tools at your disposal for this act of pleasure are your tongue and lips. Varying the pressure, speed, and movement can create a symphony of sensations. Explore different movements, from gentle licks to delicate sucks to playful swirls, and pay close attention to your partner’s reactions3.
Pleasure Beyond the Star: A Supporting Cast
While the penis is the primary focus, it’s not the only source of pleasure. The testicles, the perineum, and the inner thighs are often neglected zones that can heighten the sensual experience. Remember, these areas are sensitive, so gentle touches, light kisses, or a soft tickle can be incredibly arousing4.
Toys: Adding Fun to the Mix
Introducing sex toys into the act can also add a fun and exciting element. A vibrating ring, for example, can provide additional stimulation and pleasure for both you and your partner. It’s always a good idea to discuss this with your partner first, of course5.
The Journey of Pleasure
Mastering the art of BJs isn’t about a perfect set of skills or a secret technique. It’s about understanding, communicating, respecting boundaries, and exploring shared pleasure. The tips I’ve shared can guide you on your journey, but the secret lies in finding what works best for you and your partner. Remember, it’s okay to experiment, to fumble, and to laugh during the process. After all, intimacy is not just about the destination, but the journey as well.
Lastly, remember that pleasure should be a two-way street. Your boundaries, comfort, and satisfaction are just as important as your partner’s. When both partners are in tune with each other’s desires and comfort zones, the result can be a beautiful harmony of shared satisfaction and intimacy.
- Bussel, R., 2016. The Importance of Consent in Relationships. [Blog] Bitch Media, Available at: https://www.bitchmedia.org/post/the-importance-of-consent-in-relationships ↩
- Joannides, P., 2017. Guide To Getting It On: Unzipped. 9th ed. Oregon: Goofy Foot Press. ↩
- Marin, V., 2016. The Blow Job Tips You Need To Know. [Blog] Buzzfeed, Available at: https://www.buzzfeed.com/caseygueren/we-asked-a-bunch-of-people-for-their-best-blowjob-tips ↩
- Savage, D., 2015. Savage Love: The Delicate Art of Balancing Attention Between Balls and Butt. [Blog] The Stranger, Available at: https://www.thestranger.com/savage-love/2015/12/23/23256926/savage-love ↩
- Kerner, I., 2013. How Sex Toys Can Help You Play Nice With a Partner. [Blog] Good Vibrations, Available at: https://goodvibesblog.com/sex-toys-help-play-nice-partner/ ↩
