Porn has probably shaped your expectations around sex more than you realise.
This isn’t a moral judgement, we make porn ourselves. What I am here to discuss is the gap between what porn shows us and what actually happens in real intimate encounters, because that gap creates confusion, disappointment and sometimes genuine harm for people trying to navigate their actual sex lives.
As an intimacy provider, I see this constantly. People arrive with expectations about how bodies should look, how quickly arousal should happen and what sex should feel like, all based on a medium designed for visual entertainment rather than accurate representation.
Performance vs connection
The most important thing to understand about porn is that it’s a performance medium. Everything has been choreographed, edited and optimised for visual appeal. The goal is to create something that looks exciting on camera, not to represent what actually feels good.
Real sex is about connection, communication and mutual pleasure. It’s messy, awkward, funny and deeply personal. It involves negotiation, feedback and genuine presence with another human being. These elements don’t translate well to a screen, so porn strips them away in favour of visual spectacle.
Nobody watches action films thinking real combat involves walking away from explosions without a scratch. Bring that same awareness to porn. It’s a visual medium prioritising spectacle over accuracy, which is fine provided you recognise what you’re actually watching.
Where porn diverges from reality
Bodies and anatomy: Porn features a narrow slice of body diversity selected for how it reads on camera. This creates unrealistic expectations about genital appearance, breast shape, body hair and physique. The reality is that bodies are wonderfully diverse. All variations are normal, and none prevent people from experiencing pleasure or being sexy as hell.
Arousal and readiness: In porn, arousal happens instantly. Real arousal, particularly for people with vulvas, typically takes 20 to 45 minutes or more. Porn also rarely shows lubricant use, suggesting bodies should be perpetually ready. In reality, natural lubrication varies enormously and has nothing to do with desire or attraction.
Communication and consent: Porn features little verbal communication. Partners seem to intuitively know what each other wants without discussion. Real intimacy requires ongoing communication about boundaries, preferences and desires. The ability to communicate clearly about sex is actually one of the most attractive skills you can develop.
Erections and performance: Porn shows penises that remain rigidly erect throughout extended sessions regardless of circumstances. Real erections fluctuate based on stress, tiredness, anxiety and countless other factors. This is normal. The expectation of mechanical reliability created by porn simply isn’t how human bodies operate. Additionally, the average erect penis is 12 to 16 centimetres, not the considerably larger sizes predominantly featured in porn.
Orgasms: Porn shows simultaneous, performative climaxes that happen easily from any stimulation. Real orgasms are variable. Most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone, and orgasms don’t always happen even during satisfying encounters. The performative nature of porn orgasms creates pressure to demonstrate pleasure in obvious ways, leading people to fake responses or feel inadequate.
How we approach our content
Axel and I create content for OnlyFans because we believe people deserve to see what real intimacy looks like between two people who genuinely care about each other.
Our content isn’t always professionally choreographed or edited to remove human moments. You’ll see us laughing when something unexpected happens, adjusting positions or getting the giggles midway. You’ll hear us checking in with each other, asking “is this good?” because that’s what actual intimate connection looks like.
Our subscribers often tell us that seeing our genuine connection, laughter and obvious care has helped them understand what to look for in their own intimate lives. They’ve learnt that human moments don’t detract from intimacy, they enhance it.
Recalibrating your expectations
Seek better information: If porn has been your primary sex education, actively seek out accurate resources about anatomy, arousal, communication and sexual diversity.
Communication: Start discussing desires, boundaries and preferences with partners outside the bedroom first. This makes it easier to communicate during intimate moments.
Expand your definition: Recognise that intimacy encompasses a wide range of activities. Give yourself permission to explore what actually feels good rather than what you think should feel good.
Body shame: Practice appreciation for what your body can do rather than how it looks. Bodies don’t need to look any particular way to be worthy of pleasure and desire.
Be realistic: Real sex involves breaks, adjustments, laughter and moments where things don’t go as planned. Allow yourself to be human rather than performative.
A final perspective
Porn isn’t inherently harmful when approached with appropriate context. The problem is the lack of comprehensive sex education that would help people contextualise what they’re seeing.
Real sex is messier, funnier and more deeply connecting than porn portrays. It involves communication, vulnerability and presence. It doesn’t always look impressive, but it feels authentic.
Your intimate life doesn’t need to resemble porn to be satisfying. Give yourself permission to be human, communicate openly and focus on genuine pleasure. The goal isn’t to look good or match some standard. It’s to feel connected, present and alive in your own body and in your connections with others.
That’s what real intimacy looks like, and it’s so much more beautiful than anything you’ll see on a screen.
Evie + Axel · Independent Escort Couple
